03 07 2014.

on being alone

I’m an extrovert. I’d prefer in almost every scenario to be surrounded by friends in a social situation than to be alone in my apartment. I have a hard time knowing what to do with myself. (Even if I’m not interacting with someone, the simple presence of another human in the same house is enough to get me started in the right direction.)

I’m also a powerhouse; a machine. I’ve filled my evenings after my job with workout classes and freelance design work. I stink of constant productivity and make everyone around me look lazy. It sounds like it could be a good thing, but it’s a curse. I’m bored when I sit still. I always have a list going of things I need and want to get done. I feel the need to get out of bed immediately when I wake up – on mornings when I have no commitments. If I’m not actively doing something, I feel guilty about doing nothing.

WARNING about the coming paragraphs: Though I absolutely think there’s a place and a time for productivity and efficiency (I live for that feeling of accomplishment!) this post glorifies laziness and alone-time.

In a conversation I had recently, this part of myself was brought to light. I hadn’t fully realized that I carried those traits until it was pointed out to me. And it’s true. It wasn’t until then that I also realized how important it is to embrace down-time. To relax. To breathe. To figure myself out. To accomplish nothing of value. Both of my roommates were gone for the majority of last week – giving me no option but to endure my time alone…

…And I found that it wasn’t so bad. I tried my own tight-space-bedroom-style yoga. I finished one book and started another. I rearranged my room. I went to bed early. I caught up on a tv show that I enjoy. I began writing again and started this blog: a project that I had been fantasizing about for months.

I’ve now been retiring to my bedroom a little earlier every night so that I can have some time to myself – to browse other blogs that I love, to (finally!) read the books I’ve wanted to read and to allow my body to fall asleep at its own pace – rather than stress about it at a late hour. (Also to allow my kitten – who likes to sleep with me – to calm down before I want to go to sleep!)

This is a message for all other machines out there who workworkwork from when they wake up until they go to bed to find some time to relax. Relaxing doesn’t make you lazy. It doesn’t turn you into a slob. It’s extremely important for your mental health and I also believe that it can help ease the stresses of everyday life.

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